Stuck in the Middle while Changing..

I've recently realized that life has started to change in my middle-age years. I've never dreaded getting older but I wasn't expecting this many changes. My body has changed and is in the process of changing (menopause). The people in my life has changed. I no longer have the same friends and family around me as I used to. Moving to the country was a choice I made long before now. It was something in the works for many years. All I was waiting on was the timing! As soon as I was able to work out a plan to move and the timing was right, I got right on it. But to me the biggest change has been in the awakening that I've had. Awakening you ask? This is not one of those awakenings where I've seen the promise land or anything like that. This awakening has to do with reality. It has to do with the way I was seeing my life and the way my life really was. What I've realized since moving is I had a false sense of family and friends and of myself! Even in business I made lots of friends and associates. I thought I was more valued by the people around me than a actually was. I have always been the giving type. Even in business I've done services for no charge because the customer was having a hard time or could not pay. I'm in accounting and I have a small accounting business. I work with other small business' doing bookkeeping and business accounting. I also have a small income tax business. In my business I run across all kinds of people and I've always tried to treat people the way I'd like to be treated. If you are a family member or friend, I am the type to send birthday and Christmas cards every year. I thought I was well liked by everyone in my circle.

Since moving to the country and changing my life, I have seen things in a different light. As the days, weeks, and now months have passed, I'm awakening a little more everyday. Life is beginning to look new. Now I look back and see some of the lessons I needed to learn. What I have discovered is that no one really liked me. People around me liked the things I would do for them.. None of the close friends I had really cared about anything that had to do with me, except when it comes to what I could do for them. Realizing all these things about myself and my circle of friends and family was a real wake up call! Looking back on all the things that I've done for friends and family to be accepted and loved, only to find that none of it really mattered to anyone was a real reality shock. So what caused the awakening you ask? Well, once I moved to the country and away from everyone it didn't take long to wake up and see things wasn't going to be the way they always were. My close friends started to get very distant. All of a sudden they don't have the time to come visit. Did they think I was going to ask them for something? Were they that upset that I decided to move to the country? I don't rightly know! But what I do know is people got mighty scarce! Nobody checked on us to see if we needed anything, if we we're alright, if we we're even alive? It really hit home because at times some of my friends really needed me and I was there! Hell, I'm that kind of person. I try to help my family when I can. I've even had family members live with me at times when they needed. My grown children are even too busy to come visit... Oh, so its like that now, huh?

Now here I am in the country alone! No one to talk to about the things I'm going through. After all of those years of being there for others, I had no idea that when I needed them they would not be there! So far, nobody has said anything about anything. Its been quiet. No phone calls. No text message. Nothing! Meanwhile, I'm missing everybody. I didn't know that moving to the country would move my family and friends out of my life. But this is what has happened. The only thing that gets me through is knowing that life changes sometimes in different ways than we expect. This new chapter in my life is going to be better than anything I've previously had.. I believe this! All of the ups and downs I'm going through with my family is because my life is restructuring! Not only did my environment and surrounding change, but so have my friend and family associations. So as my life changes and I get older, I will try to face it with dignity and grace! I won't be upset or depressed! I will take this opportunity to be thankful for my second act! I have another chance to remake my life! I know it won't be easy to forget about how things use to be, but growing older  gracefully requires patience and wisdom. I will take it day by day and one step at a time. It will be interesting to see how this all turns out... Country girl goes to the city. Country girl lives in the city for many years. Country girl moves back to the country after many years...